No foreplay, No spooning. Just Kenny’s blog.

Schizophrenia - “a severe mental disorder characterized by some, but not necessarily all, of the following features: emotional blunting, intellectual deterioration, social isolation, disorganized speech and behavior, delusions, and hallucinations.”

Well well well. Thats altogether quite nice isnt it? And if you are thinking to yourself, “Why is he rambling about talking about something that doesn’t even remotely apply to me?” I say,”BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT!” And if you reply, “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!” Well, too bad. And if you are really curious and want to know how you have schizophrenia, all you have to do is open the refrigerator, and ponder a bit whether or not to have some sour apples… : (|) <- this is the exact face u make when you think that question because you are never really sure if you would want to consume them. Because sour apples do have a nice tang to them, but you can’t help but thinking that it only has a nice zing in it because its semi-rotten, and nicely matured to a light brown, tasty, rancidness of an apple. And while you think through this, I’m quite positive that you will come to a point. A point to where your brain must duke it out with itself or life and death that will result in an unretractable action. In OTHER WORDS, your brain must make a decision. And one part may say, “EAT THE APPLES!!! DEM APPLES R GOOOOOOD…” while its counterpart may retort, saying, “No no master Kenny, you must understand that due to its rank state, those apples should not be eaten, lest you abide having terribly awful diseases of some sort…” SEE?! You are having a mental CONFLICT!!! Hence, leading up to my conclusion that you have schizophrenia, or dementia praecox, as it was called back in the day. And if you are really into TV and stuff, you may imagine two little figurines chillin’ on your shoulder. If you can relate to this, YOU ARE PRONE TO HALLUCINATIONS AND ARE ALSO DELUSIONAL!!!! Schizophrenia AT ITS BEST!!! And if you also shy away from people, or do not want to say how you are feeling, you are schizophrenic on terms of emotional blunting. You might also be schizophrenic IF YOU:

- Forget a math equation you knew back in 3rd grade.

- Don’t play with friends.

- Mix up your words.

- Do impersonations.

- Dream (daydreaming, night dreaming, imagining in general)

- Do the prank where you say, “Oh look! Theres a ninja behind you thats going to take your food!”

- Think

So if you do any of the above or any variations, you may be severely diagnosed with schizophrenia. Pay homage Sigmund Freud’s grave or see a psychiatrist immediately. And yes, your psychiatrist may also have schizophrenia, so inquire him about that.

This is an emergency post. My call of urgency. And so, the day has arrived. No forewarning, no-look-out-its-coming, nada. A few days back they installed ARD3. And i have nothing more to say, than that… we should spend our few days in post-installation confusion with peace, and placidity, because its over guys. WE THOUGHT, that back in the day, when it was GOING TO BE INSTALLED IMMEDIATELY, we were scared, but then, they didn’t get around to it. And now they are back. And once they figure out everything, and play us all like a deck of cards, we are all DONE. Like FLAPJACKS! So from this day forward, I bid Facebook, MSN, and Addictinggames.com, fv<k!ñg adieu. You were all like brothers (and sisters) to me. Goodbye.

Well, its that time of month again, where I give you another one of my FABULOUS PICTURE ANALYSIS!!! YAYZZZZZZZ. And here’s my newest haul:

Its a sad day for all of the residents on our beloved Sesame Street, as Cookie Monster turned his back on life. A life he crunched and threw away… WHY COOKIE, WHY!!!!! This picture was taken from a hidden camera that was dispatched from MUND (Monsters Under Nagging Distress). His OWN COMMUNITY THAT LOVED HIM! THAT TRUSTED HIM!!!! GODDAMNIT COOKIE!!!! Well at least he feels remorse… So anyways, here we can see Subject A, Cookie Filius Monster, sparking some Grade-A, street-certified, Crash Dash. Cuz JUST A DASH WILL LEAVE U CRASHED!!! PURCHASE SOME GRAMS NOW! AT 602 Daygreen St., Manhattan. BOOYAH! Now back to Cookie. Well he’s obviously taking a mighty hit as we can observe from the monstrous mass of that C-Dash, and his facial expression that conveys the message, “HOLY SHOITE, I CAN’T BELIEVE IM TAKING THIS ENTIRE LOAD!!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN IM AT MY GRANNY’S NURSING HOMEEEEE!!! AUGHHH!!! …Oh please don’t let my bowel movements come early while Im stoned as a stone…” Yes… he should be ashamed of himself for being so ghetto and wholesomely sacrilegious. Anyways, I should stop carrying on, and we should all join hands and just wish Cookie some luck, and maybe sum rehab with Linday Lohan, cuz that girl is OFF DA CHAIN!!!! So good luck Filius Monster, and get me sum of that Crash Dash you greedy blue bastard.

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I’m going to be busy the next few days, so ill post now. Don’t maim me please for not following schedule.

Well this may be old for some, may be new, but listen up anyways. Yall know PRINGLES?! Am I correct? Right. Duck-bill chips, comes in a evil cylindrical container that looks like an oversized shotgun bullet? Yep, thats it. I’ve been doing some research on these marvels of the crunch-tastic world, and just contemplating, “How in the world does Pringles achieve this level and bliss that surpasses even other dimensions?” Alas, after much searching, rummaging through archives and archives of old internet blog files, I came upon the answer… PRINGLES IS FROM YE DEVILS SOULLLLLL!!!! Thats right ye gentlefolk, the oowner of Pringles sold his SOUL to ye Devil, HELL FROM WHICH IT CAME, FOR FAME, FORTUNE, AND THE GREATEST SOUR CREAM AND ONION TASTE IN YE LAND!!!! If ye don’t believe me, joost wait till morrow’ when ye curly-haired mascot RAVISHES ye land! AHEM!!! HEAR YE HEAR YEE (used in context this time) GRAB ALL YE PITCHFORKS AND TORCHES, WE WILL CRUSADE UPON THE FACTORY!!! ANNIHILATE SATAN AND CONDUCT EXPERIMENTS ON THE OWNER THAT ARE BORDER-LINE GAY!!! ONWARDS!!~~~ Okay… thats uh quite an epiphany innit?! So you see, the facts are ALL THERE!!! If you go to their webpage, http://www.pringles.com/ (conveniently located right there) you will see that the front page color IS BLOOD RED!!! JOOST LIKE YE DEVILS BUTTOCKS!!!!!!!1 AURGHHHHH MARUGHHHHH….. And take a look at their mascot. Check out that SLY grin. Check out his CURLICUE brown hair… FOR CURLY HAIR IS THE HAIR OF THE DEBIL!!!!! FAURGHHHHH…. He has deception and acts of chagrin written all over him. HE BEARS NO SHAME!!! Ugh… the whole ABSTRACTION of it all is just DASTARDLY!!! DASTARDLY IMMORAL EBILLLLLL!!!!! TAUGHHHHHH… So thats the News for today. All the necessities for a normal life. Chip proprietors that benefit immensely from selling souls to YE SATAN!!!! Sigh. Whats next? Pamela Anderson finally decides to get breast reductions?! Sigh. Well, thats enough for now, and the only mystery that concerns us now, is WHY ISN’T MY BLOG GETTING MORE TRAFFIC?! BLAURGHHHHH…..

See? Mr.P is one baaaaaaaaaaaad mofo.

Hello again, this is your field commander, Kenny Kim. Otherwise known as your SLEEPING GURU!!! So you;ve tried my tactics, think you;ve got the hang of it, thinking of conspiring against me, its all good. BUT you’re not PROOO. Yet. Because everyone was bad days. Everyone gets caught EVEN ON THEIR BEST DAYS. So. Now, i give you ways to make up for yourself. Because if you get caught, and the teachers ask you to explain, and you just stupidly standing there (WIPE OFF THAT DROOL BOY!!) you’re gonna have issues. Therefore, I and my background resources give you now, the secrets to cover up your slips. Memorize these lines, and remember to pull them out of your @ss when needed. Use sparingly:

1. “They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.”
2. “I was merely meditating on the Principles of Existentialism from Kierkegaard, and Nietzsche…”
3. “Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably noticed me just in time.” Remember to have your Wite-Out.
4. “Did you ever notice the sound coming out from these keyboards whe you put your ear down real close?
5. Raise your head slowly and say, “…in Jesus’ name, Amen.” Note: Make sure you change your catch phrase accordingly to your disciplinrian’s faith. Ex. Hindu: In Shiva’s name, Amin. etc, etc.

Remember to commit these to your memory, for when the worst comes to worst, there’s no rest for the weary…

And don’t forget to subscribe to my RSS feed, leave a

message, and SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT MY BLOG!!!